Monday, March 15, 2010

Blowjobs, head grabbing, and men!

OK, since I have found some more time on my hands today (read this as its Friday and everyone has gone home but I still need to be here.  Can you believe they pay me for this shit, oh well) I thought I would delve into some more writing. Now again, these are just my views on things, I do not have a degree in sexual medicine, psychology, or anything else but experience, a good understanding of people, and a desire to write.

So, what’s the topic?  Well, I hope to explain something that has troubled women since the beginning of oral sex.  Why men grab a woman’s hair or head during a blow-job...  Just about every women I know hates it, just about every guy I know has done it a few times, and the porn industry shows it so much that you might think its common place.

OK, let’s start with the reasons why women don't like or hate having their hair or head grabbed when giving a blow job.  Basics, a blow-job is the girl giving pleasure to the guy.  It can be there way of showing affection, doing something nice, there turn in the foreplay, whatever, just be happy your getting one.  So, they are in control, or want to be in control while its going on.  Physically you must also consider the shape of the mouth, it’s not really that big of a space, especially on a small girl.  The mouth is intended for things to go in it and be swallowed, not to go in and out all the time.  Hence the gag reflex, which will kick in if something in the mouth starts to do anything funky, like go in when the persons not ready for it, or out when they are not ready for it.

So, guys, no matter how much you want to, you cannot just start fucking a woman’s mouth when she is not ready for it!  It will hurt her, and that is not the intention of any sex act (well, at least not with what I'm talking about.  That is yet another blog).  So, guys, just be happy about getting a blow-job and stop trying to interfere with it without permission.  If you can't keep you hand to yourself, put them behind your head, sit on them, handcuff them to the bed, anything.  Just do not grab her head without permission, got it...

Ok, now ladies, now that I have said that, here’s are a few reasons why guys do it.  One good, two bad.  Because I like to end on a good note, let’s start with the bad.

Porn- They have seen the guy grab the girls head in porn, like the look or the control, or, god help us, think that sex should all be like in porn (Note: No, sex is not always like in the porn movies, but it’s not a bad goal, as long as your realistic about it).  This is not a good reason...

Inconsiderate Bastard- This is the guy that is only thinking of himself or his orgasm.  He will have no feelings for the girl, will never say sorry about anything, or at least mean it, and is mostly like never have the grace of this women’s lips again (Well, I can hope). This is not a good reason.

Low Control- Ok ladies, you know that feeling right before you orgasm where that is all you can think about?  Usually this is where you telling your guy "Stop and I kill you!"  That point where you really have no control, your body is on autopilot set to cum.  Well guys get that too, and that is the first understandable reason for grabbing a girls head.  Now, most women when giving a blow-job know from reading the guys body that he is getting close, and if you will notice this is right about the time when the hands go for the hair.  Your slowing down (because 1. you don't want to stop yet, 2. you don't want to swallow, or 3. you want the fun to continue, IE you want your cookie too) but lacking some control at this point he just wants to keep the sensations coming so he can cum.

You must remember that sex right before orgasm, or right around it, a person can resort to more animistic behaviors in the desire to cum.  There comes a point where that is the only thing that the guy is thinking about, and so, when you start to stop, or slow down, or he is needing just that little bit more to cum he instinctively reaches to help him finish.  In this case, it’s the women’s head he grabs trying to achieve orgasm.

Ok, now that we have covered why most women hate it and why men want it, let’s talk about compromises.  Yes, that wonderful word that all relationships are built on.  And how do we do this, why by talking about it with your lover, what a thought...

So, how do you get there.  Well in the end it’s up to you, but here are my thoughts on it.  One, most likely it’s going to be the guys that are wanting to do it, so let’s start with them and how to go about it.  First ask her why she bites your dick every time you grab her hair.  Most likely her answers will mirror my above post.  Second, tell her that it really get you off doing it and that you really enjoy it.  Now, its compromise time, see if she is willing to let you and start small.  Start with you just holding her hair while she does it.  This will get her used to our hands being there.  When doing this, under no reason should you do anything other than hold her hair, resist the impulse and show her that she can trust you at this.

Then move to her holding still with her hand around the base leaving just enough of the dick as she will not gag and start slowly thrusting in and out. then try it without her hand.  Eventually you will learn what she can handle and when to stop. 
Now since we are talking about the one partner giving up control to another and that the one giving it up is also giving up speaking I think I should also touch on safety signals.  Now granted in this position, all the women needs to do is bite down to end all fun, but let’s face it we don't want that.  While you hands are on her head, she should have a hand on your leg or something that she can smack or grab to let you know that she is done. This is just for safeties sake and for your own if you ever want to do this again.

Now ladies, I hope that I have shed some light on this subject and maybe the next time your guy reaches for your head you will know why.  And guys, maybe you will now know why not to.  In all, it comes back to the basics of sex.  Talk, talk about what you want, why you do something, why you don't or won't do something, etc.  The reasons for talking about sex are endless.  Hell, talking about sex can also be a great turn on. 

Later!

-Haven De Lancret

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